Saturday, January 14, 2012

What they say vs. what they mean

It's Saturday afternoon, and I'm not on call, which means I'm prepping myself for a gorgeous afternoon of: falling asleep to a movie, hanging out in bed with little Trippers and the Gidge, eating ice cream for supper and not feeling bad about it, and thinking about which names baby girl will not blame me for when she's all grown up.  I'm pumped.

In the meantime, I feel like it's about time to play a rousing game of "What they say vs. what they mean" since it's been about a year since we've done that last, and incidentally, it feels like it's been about a year since I posted last.  So, without further ado:

1.  " Doc, I got this here rabbit dog, and I've been worming it with that there panasonic wormer you gave me for my other dog, but she's still got these short little worms comin' out."  Supposed meaning for "panasonic wormer" - Panacur, which doesn't treat tapeworms, which is what that there rabbit dog was suffering from.

2.  "Hey now, you think you could teach me how to do that pregnancy checkin' on my own cows?  I really think I could palpitate if I knew what I's doin'."  Supposed meaning for "palpitate" - palpate.  As in, rectally palpate cattle.

3.  "Oh, don't worry.  My I'll pay my bill, I mean, I've known Mash forever and he said there's no problem with me charging that $200 to my account.  I'll pay it here next month or the month after that when my disability check comes in.  I'm on a fixed income, you know."  Supposed meaning for "Mash" - Nash, as in our boss and the practice owner.  Oh and Jessica loves the "I'm on a fixed income" excuse, since, as a general rule, everyone is on a fixed income - we all know much money we'll have from month to month, but it's up to you to figure out how to manage it, not our office manager.

4.  "Yes ma'am.  I've got a llama that is having difficulty breathing and I was wondering if you could see her tonight.  I can bring her right in."  Actual meaning for "bring her right in" - walk llama into a mini-van and drive 45 minutes up the mountain.  If the makers of the Honda Odyssey only knew what their vehicles were capable of, they would be advertizing this mess.  Not only that, but the transport occurred on New Year's Eve, and there was a traffic stop just outside Sparta as you came down the mountain to the clinic.  I can only imagine what the good law enforcement officers of Alleghany Co. thought of 3 people and one llama comfortably seated in a minivan.

photo credit
5.  "What on earth can I do about little Fartkin's bad breath, Doc?  I've tried everything.  I've been looking for those little greenthings that are supposed to brush their teeth, but they ain't at the dollar store."  Supposed meaning for "greenthings" - Greenies!  Gidget received her first fan mail after she fell off the front porch and got lost before Christmas.  When we were reunited, we were both happy, I because you just don't take away a 5 month pregnant woman's dog, and she because she got a whole box of Greenies from an old friend who does PR for the company.  And they really do freshen her breath.  No kidding.


  1. I love number 3. Our owner's name is Dave Brinker, and it cracks me up how often we hear the same phrase, 'Dr. Brinkman or Dr. Brinkly and I go way back', when actually they replaced the tile in his bathroom 20 years ago and feel they should still receive free vet care for all their pets.

    I also love that we're all having little girls!! :) Enjoy your ice cream.

  2. Seth sent Gidget Greenies?? That's so sweet! I want to eat ice cream for dinner with you and talk about baby names! Oh, just got off the phone with my mom- Walter made it safe and sound to LA! :)