(approximately 45 minutes before my alarm is set to go off) phone call:
Michelle (groggily): This is Dr. Tompkins, hello?
Woman on the phone: Yes, hi. I have a question.
Michelle (waking up a little more): Yes ma'am, is this an emergency?
Woman on the phone: Well, not exactly...well, I'm not sure. You see, my Granny has a little dachshund that was neutered last week, and I was rubbing his belly and noticed a strange lump.
Michelle (almost fully awake and starting to get annoyed): Ok. Where exactly is the lump?
Woman on the phone: Um, it's a little difficult to say.
Michelle (annoyed): Can you try? It will help me to know more about what's going on if you can describe it to me.
Woman on the phone: Ahem, well, the place I'm speaking of is...(pause)...near his man-parts. Between the long man part and the ones that used to be there before he was neutered.
Michelle (flabbergasted): Were you rubbing that part of his belly?
Woman on the phone: Yes! And this little hard lump came up. It's gone now.
Michelle (holding back laughter): Allllrighty. Well...I think what you're noticing is a normal part of his male anatomy. He may be more comfortable if you don't rub that particular part of his belly.
Woman on the phone: I guess, well, I thought...that since he's neutered now, I could rub his belly without him getting excited. I think maybe I'll just pet him on his back from now on.
Michelle: Yes ma'am, and in the future, these kinds of questions can probably wait until regular business hours.