Friday, June 17, 2011

6:45 am

(approximately 45 minutes before my alarm is set to go off) phone call:

Michelle (groggily):  This is Dr. Tompkins, hello?

Woman on the phone:  Yes, hi.  I have a question.

Michelle (waking up a little more):  Yes ma'am, is this an emergency?

Woman on the phone:  Well, not exactly...well, I'm not sure.  You see, my Granny has a little dachshund that was neutered last week, and I was rubbing his belly and noticed a strange lump.

Michelle (almost fully awake and starting to get annoyed):  Ok.  Where exactly is the lump?

Woman on the phone:  Um, it's a little difficult to say.

Michelle (annoyed):  Can you try?  It will help me to know more about what's going on if you can describe it to me.

Woman on the phone:  Ahem, well, the place I'm speaking of is...(pause)...near his man-parts.  Between the long man part and the ones that used to be there before he was neutered.

Michelle (flabbergasted):  Were you rubbing that part of his belly?

Woman on the phone:  Yes!  And this little hard lump came up.  It's gone now.

Michelle (holding back laughter):  Allllrighty.  Well...I think what you're noticing is a normal part of his male anatomy.  He may be more comfortable if you don't rub that particular part of his belly.

Woman on the phone:  I guess, well, I thought...that since he's neutered now, I could rub his belly without him getting excited.  I think maybe I'll just pet him on his back from now on.

Michelle:  Yes ma'am, and in the future, these kinds of questions can probably wait until regular business hours.

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